


Goldfish

by dodecahedrons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: FWP, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3561206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodecahedrons/pseuds/dodecahedrons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is pretty much a giant height-wise, and decides to have some fun with his boyfriend regarding his addiction to Goldfish crackers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goldfish

"John, get your skyscraper ass in here."

This demand, made by a certain Strider, was met with nothing but silence. A taunting silence. One that both said nothing and everything about the whereabouts of his gargantuan boyfriend. One that practically pointed out everything both obvious and hidden about the situation at hand.

And this frustrated Dave to no end, because, even with the information supplied by the helpful, deafening quietness of the kitchen, the problem still remained.

"God damn it, Egbert."

With a frustrated huff, he glanced around, examining his surroundings. The tiny, chair-and-tableless kitchen left only two options to aid him in his predicament: a stepstool, or climbing on the counter.

What was his predicament?

John had hidden his box of Goldfish crackers on the top shelf of their spice cabinent.

Why was this a predicament?

He pushed the box all the way back, to where only tall people or people with unusually long arms could reach. And Dave had neither the height nor the stretchiness required to retrieve his cheesy snacks.

Out of his two options, one was not able to be considered. Dave figured that, in the midst of his hiding the box, John had also thought to steal the stepstool.

Sneaky bastard. He'd have to get back at him for this.

This left him at a crossroads: climb on the counter and risk losing his already faltering dignity, or leave the kitchen in a defeat until John came out of hiding and decided to stop being such a dick, which would in turn threaten his dignity.

He chose to at least go out in a blaze of glory.

It took him a moment, but he managed to pull himself onto the granite-top counter, pushing himself up against the cabinent that sat almost as far out from the wall as the counter for support. He reached a hesitant arm up once he had steadied himself enough, beginning to grope around the dusty top shelf.

Until he heard a silent snicker from behind him.

He lost grip, and his knees slid out from under him, followed by the rest of his body. As he landed with a dull thud on the floor, he could hear socked footsteps coming closer to him, until a certain someone's shadow covered his upper body almost completely.

"So I see you've found your fishes' new home," he said, pride in his tone.

"You prick," Dave muttered, remaining on the floor, holding onto what dignity he had left (which was close to none, at this point of living with John).

"It's alright, Dave. Your inconvenient stature has saved the lives of possibly hundreds of unsuspecting lives!"

"Just get me my crackers, please."

"No! I can't! I hid them from you as to save their lives!"

Dave groaned, forcing himself to sit up at this point. "Why do you hate me?"

John blinked, but laughed after the momentary shock his question caused had passed. "I don't hate you! I love you enough to cut you off!"

"Egbert, I just bought those assholes yesterday. I barely put a dent in them."

"If your definition of 'barely putting a dent' in something is half the box!"

"Since when are you the food police?"

At this point in their quarrel, Dave had reluctantly pulled himself to his feet, and was proceeding to work on climbing the counter again. This earned another amused chuckle from Senior Skyscraper, one exactly like he had heard mere minutes before. With an exhausted sigh, he glanced over his shoulder. "Don't you have better things to do?"

"Of course, but they can wait. This is a once in a lifetime view."

"I can climb the counter for you some other time. I'm too hungry to care about your kinks."

"Hey! This is not a kink!"

"That's exactly what someone who was hiding a kink would say."

By this point, Dave had groped around once again in the dusty cabinent, and had grabbed hold of the corner of the box, and was carefully pulling it toward him. He was practically holding his breath. One wrong movement and it could be a disaster--

With that thought, his center of gravity shifted just slightly, and he scrambled with his free hand to hold on to the cabinent, to the counter, to anything. But to no avail.

Dave, along with the box of cheesy goodness, fell to the ground once again.

But this time, the box sprung open, spilling goldfish all over Dave and the surrounding floor.

For a moment, his vision was blurry, but once he was re-focused, he could see the smug smirk that belonged to his boyfriend hovering over him.

"That's exactly why you shouldn't climb on counters, darling~"

Dave sighed, grabbed a fistfull of floor-fish, and threw them up at John, a small smirk toying at his features.

"Fuck off. Go buy me some more or don't talk to me until tomorrow."

"Fine. But I'm only buying a bag."

Dave sighed, grabbed onto the arm John outreached at that very moment, and stood up, pecking him on the cheek in the process. "Fine. If that's what it takes to never have this happen again."

  
John nodded and turned, making his way to the door as Dave got to work on cleaning up the cheesy corpses. On his final stride out the door, he shouted a quick "Maybe!" though, which had Dave practically burning until he returned from the store.

It was in that moment he realized that hiding his goldfish would be his only hope in this newly started war.


End file.
